


when you give seoksoon a cookie

by kwonbagel



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Baby Lee Chan | Dino, Barista Boo Seungkwan, Cookies, Crack, Diva Boo Seungkwan, Drabble, Fluff, Idiots, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Single Mom Yoon Jeonghan, no joke i think i snorted straight crack for a week and so did hansol, one too many vine quotes, thats right platonic fluff, this is by far the best thing ive ever written, you heard me bitch seoksoon are platonic soulmates fite me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 05:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwonbagel/pseuds/kwonbagel
Summary: Basically, a crack seoksoon fic where they are literally just sitting at a cafe bantering over who will get the last goddamn white macadamia nut cookie.





	when you give seoksoon a cookie

Soonyoung and Seokmin eyed one another, hands placed gingerly on the object on their hip, as they waited for the other to make a move. Their fingers twitched in anticipation. 

 

No, this wasn’t just any rodeo. 

 

This was the classic wild west dramatic glare down right before they would draw their guns (plastic straws in this case). For the last precious white macadamia nut cookie made by the one and only Boo Seungkwan. 

It hadn’t always been like this for the two of them. No, they used to be the best of buds. Like strawberry cream cheese and blueberry bagels. Like the id and the superego. That was until one fated afternoon. 

(Soonyoung jolted awake from his pile of blankets, where he was seated watching Mysteries at the Museum, due to Seokmin smashing his fingers down on his Tikes keyboard. “That is the extent of my musical talent.” 

“Minnie, I’m so bored,” Soonyoung sprawled himself all over the couch as he stretched, yawning. 

“Let’s go bother Jihoon,” Seokmin jumped onto him and Soonyoung let out a mix between a laugh and a groan before intertwining their legs together to cuddle as they called Jihoon. 

To be fair, neither had a teaspoon of common sense and it really showed two hours after their phone call with Jihoon.

“I never said we were going to the zoo,” Jihoon raised his eyebrow at the pair doused in sunscreen and dressed in Hawaiian shirts, khaki shorts, knee-high socks, and jungle type hats. Their mouths were shaped into a sad pout, disappointment clear. “And who wears that to the zoo anyway?”

“But you said we were going to see depressed, out of shape creatures,” Soonyoung whined.

“Creatures that are walking around in circles,” Seokmin added on.

“Yep, we’re going to the mall. Well, were. I’m not going to be seen with jungle book morons,” Jihoon placed his Raybans on and slammed the door behind him. 

Literally twelve minutes and forty-two seconds afterward they could be found sitting on the living room floor, freshly clean from their shower.

“Today I will be performing an interpretive dance of an octopus,” Soonyoung announced down to Seokmin who was seating on the floor with wide, childlike eyes. 

Soonyoung’s face goes serious save the glint in his eye as he begins to form an octopus with his hands; one hand in a fist and the other underneath it as it curled and uncurled up. After doing it a few times, he curtsies to Seokmin. 

“Wahhhhh!” Seokmin clapped his hands furiously in enthusiastic support. 

And before they knew it, they somehow ended up at JamJam Cafe.)

"No, I insist sir. You have it,” Soonyoung pushed the plate, with the reminding white macadamia nut cookie, across to Seokmin.

"No, you sir,” Seokmin pushed it back lightly. He would not give in that easily, no ma’am he wouldn’t. 

"No, I couldn't good sire,” Soonyoung clutched at his heart before pushing it back, more forcibly this time. 

"No, you take it Mr. good sire.”

"Please, your majesty. I beg of thy for thee to have thee

"No, I durst not,” Seokmin eyes blazed with passion as he summoned his inner Cassius. 

"You durst so,” Soonyoung defiantly shot back as he immediately changed into the character of Brutus. Haha, two could play at Caesar. 

"But you must."

"I mustn't

"You not mustn't."

"I not not mustn't."

"You not not not mustn't."

"Well, I not-"

"Someone eat the goddamn cookie already!" Seungkwan shrieked as he slammed down the cup of coffee he was making. As it hit the counter, the hot liquid spilled over onto his arm, and he cursed from the sudden pain. “OH FUCKAROONIE MY MACROONIE! YOU PIECES OF SHIT!”

“BOO SEUNGKWAN!” Jeonghan barked furiously from his booth, cupping his baby’s ear to protect them from the curse. “How dare you speak such a fucking profanity in front of my little baby Chan. Look at the distress you have put in him in. What do you have to say for yourself?” Although Chan didn’t seem to mind in the slightest as he giggled and threw his lemon cake all over his high-chair. 

Seungkwan just stared back in annoyed disbelief as if he heard wrong. Today just wasn’t his day. 

“And you two,” Jeonghan walked over to the loud pair after he pulled Chan of his chair. He smacked them violently on the back of the head, earning two loud protests. He just ignored them using his free hand to pick up a butter knife to break the large cookie in half. "Now now, my sweets little angels. No fighting and eat the hoe already, motherfuckers." Ignoring everyone’s dropped jaws, Jeonghan flicked his hair back behind him and walked off with Chan balanced on his right hip. 

“Anyway, I truly insist that you must have these my wife of eighty-five years,” Seokmin pushed both halves over Soonyoung.

“My husband I didn’t give birth to our five children just for you to oppress me like this. Eat the cookie,” Soonyoung scrunched his face up to imitate an elderly grandmother before throwing the goddamn plate at his platonic soulmate. 

Seungkwan, forehead red from repeatedly smacking it (not that unlike Sokka), could finally let out a breath of relief eventually when they decided to sign a peace treaty in the understanding they would just eat it together so they could go watch an episode of My Hero Academia. (No, Soonie we are watching Boruto!) 

 

~

 

“Hey, Seunkwannie?” Hansol got Seungkwan’s attention as he walked into the cafe, the door’s bell ringing in the background.

“Hmm?” Seungkwan hummed as he wrote down an order.

“Did you happen to see the batch of white macadamia nut cookies we made earlier. I forgot to take them with me to the party.”

“Party?” Seungkwan’s sharpie stopped in its place. “Do you mean...do those cookies happen to have drugs in them.” Hansol gave him a look that read _ hello??? Resident stoner, are you really asking me that?  _ Seungkwan warily looked over to the friends sitting at one of the booths. 

“FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS!” Soonyoung yelled, bending his knees as he stood on top of the table, into Seokmin’s face.

“How dare you,” Seokmin gasped. 

“WELL, YEE TO THE BOO HOO HAW! THAT’S MY OPINION!” Soonyoung, quickly shut his mouth, looked down at his shirt, and started bawling. “There’s barbeque sauce on my tittie.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Seokmin empathically patted Soonyoung on the shoulder before laying down across the booth seats. “SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY,” Seokmin belted out, using a plastic fork as a microphone. 

“Honestly, I can’t tell if this is them on drugs or not,” Hansol observed, catching onto Seungkwan’s thoughts. 

“Well shit,” Seungkwan sighed before walking out the door, looking for a car willing to run him over and end his misery. “This is why I don’t have friends. They disappoint me.” 

**Author's Note:**

> yes this was based off a childrens book


End file.
